Should i ask my boyfriend why he is distant? (2023)

FAQs

How do I ask my boyfriend why he is distant? ›

If your partner seems distant, start by asking about their life in general. "Ask about your partner's day, how their work is going, or something pertaining to their hobbies or interests," clinical psychologist and wellness coach, Shelley Sommerfeldt, PsyD, tells Bustle.

You may notice your boyfriend being distant, you can also do the same to give him the space he wanted. Taking some time off can help you realize it's okay to be independent at times. Space doesn't mean losing interest. Relationships are better when two individuals enter a relationship together.

One possible reason that he is acting distant is that he is having doubts about the relationship. The reason behind these doubts can be just about anything. The cause for his doubts can range from having feelings for someone else to not feeling satisfied in bed. Or maybe he does not get along well with your family.

You need to find out first if he is putting in no effort because he is losing interest, or he genuinely has a lot of other things going on in his life that are taking more of his time. It is important to open up a conversation and check in with him to see how things are going with him and if anything is bothering him.

Physical, emotional, or mental abuse

Physical, emotional, and mental abuse are undeniable red flags in any relationship. Physical abuse is easier to pick up. But emotional and mental abuse can be just as damaging in the long run. And just like physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse can cause PTSD.

If he has stopped bothering about his looks/personality, doesn't care about his behavior, or has stopped making an effort to be romantic, he probably is losing interest. You may feel that he has stopped trying to impress you, making romantic gestures, and being curious about the things in your life.

If they hesitate when you try to make plans in advance or discuss the future, they may not be ready to commit to you. If your partner was once OK with talking about your future and making long-term plans but no longer seems comfortable doing so, it could be a sign they see the end of this relationship.

It's perfectly valid to give him space because he needs to sort out his emotions and feelings. Many people find it difficult to connect with their emotions, and men often also face societal pressures about feelings.

How do you give your partner space without losing them? ›

He needs some space. He's stressed about other areas of life that could be causing anxiety or depression. He may be dealing with family related concerns that are causing him stress and fear. A good friend is causing him worry.

He is stressed in other areas of his life

He is just stressed – it could be work, or maybe he is having some personal issues with his family, friends or health. Sometimes, pulling away is a form of defense mechanism. His past bad experiences can make him afraid of going through heartache again.

The intense need for reassurance and lack of confidence are the clear signs of an insecure guy. He's likely to ask you a lot of questions about himself as he wants you to praise him. He is very concerned about his appearance.

Your partner can do no wrong

Your new love doesn't feel contrite or admit wrongdoing—ever: That's a red flag. “If the new person you're seeing has a hard time showing you they're imperfect, or apologizing for even silly mistakes, this relationship probably will not last,” says Bregman.

What is the 3 month rule? ›

Three-Month Rule: After a Break-Up

Basically, after a break-up, the three-month rule is a rule that says you and your ex are both given 3 months before entering the dating scene again. Just waiting it out, and mourning that your relationship ended. Just go on with your individual separate lives and see what happens.

If you're not being satisfied emotionally, sexually or intellectually, it's probably time to move on. Ending a relationship is hard, but it's sometimes the only correct thing to do. If you and your partner aren't connecting on the most fundamental levels, it will be best for both of you to move on.

Signs Your Long-Distance Partner Is Losing Interest

They don't communicate with you as often as they used to. Your partner avoids having meaningful conversations. When you talk to your long-distance partner, they keep their conversations short and avoid talking about feelings or the relationship.

Show genuine interest in him to put him at ease.

If you told someone you weren't interested in them and then you start to like them, start up a conversation and ask questions about how he's been. That way, he'll feel like you really care, which may make him start thinking about you again.

You've changed as a person

Human behaviour and interests change all the time especially as you grow older. Your lack of interest could also just be because you grew and realised he's not the man you want. The both of you might want different things in life hence you need to go separate ways.

Be as clear as possible. Bring up the reason you're having the break, how often (or if) you'll stay in touch, and whether you'll date other people during this time. Another important thing to consider is how to treat a break if you live together.

Taking time apart can allow you both to think about the issues in your relationship, cool off, learn new coping strategies, and come back together with a different lens or perspective that can be difficult to have when you're together and actively fighting through your issues.

"If you are just dating casually, on the verge of a making a commitment, and 'space' means being away with no contact for undetermined periods of days/weeks, and this is something you do not enjoy, then it is a sign to re-evaluate why you are dating in the first place," Kermit says.

How do you turn the tables and make him chase you? ›

In most cases, you'll need to give them several days or possibly weeks of space, depending on what happened. During this time, don't call or text them more than you agreed. If you do, they'll feel like you aren't respecting their wishes and may become more upset.

It's important to respect his need for space. Don't try to violate it by constantly texting him or finding excuses to pop by his place. Trying to force a man to let you in, when he doesn't feel ready for it, will only make him PULL AWAY MORE. No one likes to be controlled.

Again, if you just give him space or cut contact completely, yes, he will notice, but it might not be enough to actually make him miss you. This is especially true if you two have gone through a nasty breakup.

Three months is probably the most frequent time that I see people breaking up, deciding they don't want to step it up to a more serious stage, which does include agreeing to be in a committed relationship, saying “I love you,” and more of a groove.

You get to find out his true feelings for you

Stop chasing a guy, and his reaction will let you know if he cares for you. This will save you a lot of time guessing the nature of his feelings. Getting to know his true feelings is one of the benefits of halting your chase.

How do I talk to my boyfriend about being disconnected? ›

In order to start working on getting back to normal with your partner after feeling disconnected, the first thing you should do is talk to them about the behavior you've been noticing. "Sit your partner down and say, 'It seems we haven't been the same lately. Is there anything going on I can help you with?

"Tell your partner that you've noticed they've withdrawn," suggests Winter. "Ask them what's wrong, and what you can do to help. We're far more comfortable directly addressing our partner's pulling away in an established relationship because we don't automatically personalize their actions.